WTF is this place?
Here are some frequently asked questions about Drew and what he does.
1) What is this place?
Bling Cake is the hotspot for local business owners who are starving for more sales — those who demand different, effective, exceptional marketing.
Who want to go fast, grow big, and look sexy online.
Shopping for the lowest prices at the expense of expertise will getcha booted by the bouncer. So will small ambitions. Got it? Good. Begin here.
2) Why am I even here?
Gosh darn personal outreach, probably. Ooh, or karma. Joking. Probably my face-to-face outreach.
3) What is a Bling Cake?
The solution to your sales pollution:
It's a stack of lucrative services, as small or tall as you want, to make your business loved and craved by the planet's peeps — and not just on birthdays.
- There is a recipe for ranking #1 in Google. These top-shelf rankings tend to triple the revenue of most businesses who get there.
- There is a recipe for effective Google Ads that bring in customers, clients, cases and patients, ready to spend money with a top dog like you. Strange but true: these people are higher quality and lower cost than your competitors can get.
There is a recipe for:
- getting 80 roofing leads in 7 days from Facebook ads (case study).
- email follow-ups that generate $1,000,000+ for eCom stores.
- emailing your clients and your leads that makes them like you, trust you and buy from you long term, even for so-called boring industries like accounting and roofing.
- million dollar+ Instagram accounts, whether you're a local business or selling your goods /services online.
- viral content for your website — regardless of your industry (yes, even the "boring" ones) — that gets droves of website visitors and hundreds (or thousands) of new customers.
- getting on podcasts.
- getting journalists to write about you.
And more recipes not listed...
Chef Cash has perfected each of these recipes. Bespoke to your business.
Start with one and level up from there. Or mix and match right away.
Each layer more than pays for itself.
Take advantage of our 60-day money back guarantee.
Success never tasted so sweet.
4) Who exactly is this Chef Cash guy?
He's my alter ego. He's what I'd imagine myself to be like if I just snorted a line of cocaine. Or seven. Dude's different. You can find him at your cousin's sister's auntie's house, constructively criticising her cooking. Or maybe at the local food bank, serving up some stew. Never call him by his birth name — Clarence — unless you want five upside your head.
5) What can I expect if I stick around?
Unorthodox business growth services that help you live the good life. Tailored to folks who appreciate the finer things in life. A major emphasis is on having more time for yourself and your family. But other cool shit as well, such as:
- A real, face to face relationship with the owner (hey, that's me!)
- Money back guarantee, while all the other marketing gurus say there are no guarantees
- Try first, no obligation. If we're not delivering the recipe for success, no problem
- No contracts, no handcuffs
- Hands-free, Done-For-You marketing tailored specifically to your brand
- Stress-free and uncomplicated money multiplying
- Superfood for your business' health, horsepower for its growth
If you stick around, I'm here to entertain, over-deliver, make you richer, and hopefully, help you wake up a smidgen happier each day.
6) What makes you different?
We're the only digital marketing company in the history of the universe to have a three-star Michelin rating. Wink.
But look... if you're already getting adventurous, engine-redlining results — and most importantly, fat margins — with your current marketing company, go you.
... if you don't have to babysit them...
... If it's 100% hands-off, DFY, and you hardly know they're there...
... If their business objectives are second to yours...
... If they understand you — your business' values, integrity, identity, mission, goals and drive...
... and they deliver unique, bespoke material...
... If you receive reports from head honchos rather than interns...
... If their service is no cost to you because of the 10X-30X ROI revenue you didn't have before...
... then you've already got a unicorn marketing agency. You should just stick with them.
But if they call themselves elite and they're not doing any of that, then you ought to consider someone else.
And if there's something you want that they can't cook up, then talk to me.
7) Wait. So there's life beyond run-of-the-mill marketing agencies?
Uh, does a pigeon's b-hole pucker in a power dive? See this page. Get learned. You're welcome.
8) How many millionaire mentors do you have?
Nine. After I paid them to hang out with me, they taught me everything I know and gave me the opportunity to surround myself with people better than me, to work toward fulfilling my potential, and to deliver the best marketing and advertising services money can buy.
9) Do you only like coffee when it's swimming in grass-fed butter and coconut oil?
No, I'll drink it straight if I have to. In fact, I'll take it just about any way I can. I'll even eat it dry if my back's against the wall.
10) Why all the swearing?
One, Chef Cash is a colorful character. Two, so people wake up and pay attention. Three, it's funny. If you're too fancy pants to take it in stride, there's the door (disguised as the back button).
11) Will you write copy for my website?
Fo' shizzle. It's one of my specialty recipes.
12) Where do you live?
In reality. Also, sunny Colorado. As for my alter ego? Who knows? Some mystical mountain where money really does grow on trees and bombshells feed him mangosteen, dragon fruit and wine all day long? Sounds about right.
13) If you could offer just one piece of advice, what would it be?
For local business owners, specifically, I'd say this: get the fuck onto the top spot of Google's search results already because:
- Google is a winner-take-all game
- Over the years, I've seen hundreds — maybe thousands — of businesses' revenue double, triple and quadruple from that alone
- The top three listings account for 75% of traffic and clicks
- 97% of people don't go past page one, when searching the Internet for your products or services.
- "In fact, only 0.78% of Google searchers clicked on something from the second page."
- The number of people using the Internet to connect to businesses continues to grow ever year
Because that probably left you dangling, I'll add this: find a partner you admire, who puts your business goals first, wants to build a relationship instead of have you as a client for self-serving reasons, and has a rock solid guarantee for these top shelf results. That's the only way to make it.
14) What now?
If you haven't yet, send me a message on whichever platform I messaged you first. If you don't know what to say, just type "gimme some free treats."
I'll do a full online market analysis of you and your competitors and show you straightforward steps that you can use right now to get an edge on your top competitors.
Yours to digest. I don't need anything in return except for you to start doing something about your less than ideal situation TODAY.
Double down on your knowledge, as my current coach says. Get a little wiser and a little less ignorant about this critical, Winner-Take-All game that is Google, and how it affects you specifically.
15) Where else can I stalk you?
Since we have a face-to-face relationship (you know I like to send those videos), let's keep it deadbolt on your favorite messaging platform. Choose your favorite and send me a message!